depression is a filter to, imo. i view smaller amounts of antidepressants as getting rid of the chemical deficiency so i can work on things without the depression controlling my mental patterns. i avoided antidepressants for years for fear of becoming a happyzombie, but it didn't feel like that once i tried some.

it can be useful for me at times to experience the full depression. but it was also very useful to experience happiness for the first time in a decade when i first started taking zoloft - proved it was possible, rescued my work life because i could think and concentrate again and i wasn't just dumb, built confidence, etc.

if hacking at rot gets too overwhelming, consider zolofting again at more than 25mg to give your neurochemistry a happybreak, and build up strength for more hacking.