Apophenia

I just had one of the most profound dreams i've ever had - it's now slipping away like all such epiphanies, but was basically the answer to "why does [bad thing x] keep happening?", where x is things like a particular bad dream, seeing something bad about a city or nationality of people, or the city erupting volcanically around me and lots of people i care about getting swallowed, etc. gets farther from truth the more i try to put words to it.

wandered the streets of europe suddenly understanding all sorts of art that before just seemed meaningless to me.

fear left me at the end and i let myself out of my mental cage and went down some scary roads that my mind had blocked myself from, removing blinds about parts of the city that lay beyond the narrow repeating "why does x keep happening" area that i'd been keeping myself in.


funny that "awake" is when things are least clear.
take a random playing card or other thing like that and hold it to the side without looking at it. look straight ahead (but focussing about arm's length). slowly move your arm so the card gets closer to the direction of your focus. motion is easy to see, but when can you see the color? when do you know if it is a court card or not? when do you know exactly what card it is? clear conscious vision is just a tiny cone going in one direction. my metaphor is now the inverse of what i want i think. this may indicate back-to-bed time.

Shall i blame the (incessant dreams about mutant cyborg Nazi politicians trying to get elected or to eat people around me while most of the world is utterly destroyed by the released biomorphing agents) on not taking my pills yesterday, or on increased dosage of pills earlier?

Then there's the (lj peep who was pondering employment difficulties as a nude French opera singer), and the (workplace angst due to poorly thought-out global changes by a cow-orker which caused me to declare that i was leaving the company due to the outrageousness of it all. "So you think you can just remove all my comments in the code and tear down the comment papers tacked up over everyone's doors?! Did you ever stop to think that maybe you might have a negative impact on product quality in your quest to have more neat and presentable code??") type thing.

Mhm.

dreamed a new led zep songie: Battle of Whatevermore, as i crept closer to flea-infested potted plant with vacuum, side order of telepathy.